This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize