I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
