Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
