he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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