the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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