So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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