Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You're so nebulous sometimes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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