Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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