He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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