...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
