you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
