i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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