after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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