I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
