Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
