So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
