Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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