i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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