It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
