Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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