After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
tell me about the eggs
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