I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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