I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can you bring me the toilet please
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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