What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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