Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
