I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
