I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
