Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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