a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
