its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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