Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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