Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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