i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
me + whiskey = a bad person
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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