I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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