Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
