Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You have to summon your inner elephant
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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