Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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