...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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