The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
