I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
