At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
