he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
