fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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