a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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