I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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