Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
