Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
