Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
