Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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