carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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