This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
