Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Farmville is her only friend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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