Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
