I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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