You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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