just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was confusing and full of hummus
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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