i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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