This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
