She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
