i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
