Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
