Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
