So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
